The Crazy Things You Do When Your Missionary is Away…

The family was having a laugh tonight about my recently returned missionary daughter and how picky she is with her food. Growing up, none of my children were particularly fussy with their food. In fact in our house the normal practice was that you ate everything on your plate. For those who didn’t necessarily like something (like peas or beans etc) I would put just one or two of them on the plate so that they still had to eat them, but didn’t have to suffer through a huge helping and ultimately resent having to do so. I believed that if my children were able to have a taste for everything then when they ventured out into the world they could face anything in this life.

For the most part this theory has proven successful. However, just one daughter has managed to slowly determine that there are certain foods she will not eat. Never has she given a clear explanation why (certainly there have never been evident adverse health reactions,) but she is now labelled the ‘picky’ eater in the family. Unfazed by this label, she is actually proud that she has such discerning taste.

But what really gets me is that the food she doesn’t like is not what you would expect it to be. Spinach, broccoli, brussel sprouts, beets and liver have got to be at the top of the list (I note here that personally I enjoy all these foods and there is very little I cannot stomach). Not so with her, none of these items are on her list of ‘inedible’ foods.

One of the first things I asked her when she returned home was how she went with food she wouldn’t normally eat. She reported she ate everything on her plate every time she had a dinner date with members. Initially, I was relieved to hear this as I would be mortified if she had offended anyone. But further consideration led me to wonder why she can eat certain foods under pressure, but refuses to eat them in family situations…I’m yet to discover the reasoning behind this.

That aside, we were tonight reminiscing about our families need to find some way, while she was in the mission field, to experience what it would be like if our missionary daughter ate ‘normally’. So it was determined that on her birthday we would celebrate it with all the food she would not normally eat. The menu was decided, friends and family were invited, and a plan was put in place to make sure she was there to enjoy the celebrations. Of course she couldn’t be there in person, but through creative means we were able to make it appear like she was…I think we got away with it

For fear of offending the many families who so kindly fed my daughter on her mission, I’m reluctant to share what it is she won’t eat at home. But since she did eat everything on her plate while away, and absolutely none of it caused her any discomfort or ill health, I will share here some of the photos of the birthday party we threw for her. It was a great night and we had some real fun with it all.

Guest Post…When Marriage Takes Precedence

Today’s guest post is from a very special person. Nicole is the best friend of my missionary daughter. But she is so much more than that to our family.

In 2005, when our family made our first trek over to New Zealand, Nicole, 14 at the time, was one of the first people we met in our new ward. Almost from the day we were there, she and my daughter Jess became firm friends. Over the last 7-8 years they have remained best of friends, and Nicole has literally become a part of our family, having lived with us for several months when we were back in Sydney.

She would have to be one of the most focused individuals I know. Both in her educational pursuits, as well as her religious devotion. When it comes to the gospel she is unfailing in her commitment to the Lord, and constantly seeks his guidance in everything. Her story reveals this deep devotion.

The decision for a young lady to serve a mission doesn’t carry the same emphasis as it does for a young man, but when that decision is balanced against another of equal importance, it can create some conflicting emotions and feelings.

From my perspective, I have always taught my girls that the preparation for a mission and for marriage is very much the same. So our family focus has been for each of our girls to prepare for a mission, and if marriage comes before that opportunity, then they will be aptly prepared.

In Nicole’s case there was no wrong or right decision, both were noble. But this is when it is important for a young lady to know what is right for her personally. 

If you are interested, Nicole also has a blog. Please stop by there and say hello – Our Happily Ever After.

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This was my journey, this was my story, this is my life
By Nicole Horsford

I was 18 when I received my first distinct impression to serve a mission. Life progressed, as it tends to do. I dated, went to university, and even though I still wanted to serve a mission it was much less of a focus for me.

I was nearly 20 when my focus returned. Part of the influence for that was my best friend preparing for a mission. Another was reading my patriarchal blessing and noticing it seemed as if every paragraph was talking about serving a mission. I felt the spirit testify to me that that was what I was supposed to do.

The experience that cemented my desire to serve a mission came just days after my 20^th birthday. I had been worrying for a while about what to do with my future. That night I went to Heavenly Father in prayer. As I prayed, I heard a voice saying, “Go on a mission”. I felt the spirit flood through my body and I was filled with an indescribable joy.

To say I was anxious to go on a mission would be a gross understatement! I counted down the days until I could start my papers, submit them, receive my call, and then leave. I wanted to leave as close to my 21st birthday as possible. Things took longer than expected but by November 2011 my papers were in.

The Mission Call Arrives

On the 13th of December 2011 I received my call to serve in the Philippines Quezon City North Mission, reporting to the Provo MTC on the 24th of April 2012.

In January 2012, Joel, the brother of one of my best friends, returned from his mission. His family had moved to NZ in July 2011, and so rather than going home to Perth where he left from, he came to Auckland. I first met him the night he got home and then didn’t see him for another week and a half, but the next time we saw each other something clicked and I realised that I had feelings for him. Over the next week we saw each other regularly and things with us progressed rapidly from there. He was everything I had ever wanted and so much more. In short, he was perfect for me.

On the 10th of February we started officially dating, and we began to talk marriage straight away. It took me by surprise because I was so fixed on my mission. I didn’t know what to do.

I was torn, emotionally and spiritually. I had prepared for so long for my mission, I didn’t see how I could just change my mind. But I had been preparing my entire life for marriage as well, and being a wife and a mother is my ultimate goal.

I prayed about it, we went to the temple the next morning and although I received answers about some things, I was still unsure about what I should do about serving a mission. The next day we fasted and the thoughts and feelings that came through strongest to me were that Joel was right for me, and I should follow the counsel that our priesthood leaders have given us.

Richard G Scott, in the April 2006 General Conference, said:

“In the home a young girl can understand that her primary role is to be a wife and mother. Yet as that preparation unfolds there may be an opportunity to serve a full-time mission, provided recent counsel of the First Presidency is followed: “Worthy single women ages twenty-one and older … may be recommended to serve full-time missions… Bishops should not recommend them for missionary service if it will interfere with imminent marriage prospects.” “

My first choice was whether I felt Joel was the one I was to marry- a decision I made and confirmed with Heavenly Father. If that was right, then marriage was to take precedence. It seemed as if the solution was clear, and yet I still felt guilty.

I knew without a doubt that I had received revelation that helped me to make the decision to prepare for a mission. But I didn’t know if all of that had happened because I was supposed to go on a mission, or because it would give me opportunities to learn and grow, and be in a position where I could meet and marry Joel.

We sought the counsel of my bishop. I am grateful for my kind, wise bishop, who listened as I explained how things had happened, my thoughts and feelings, and the questions that I had. The first thing he said was that he would not make any decision for us, that was our responsibility.

We talked about how a mission is a priesthood responsibility, and that while it is a fantastic thing for sisters to serve missions, it is not an obligation. He stressed that there is no shame in not serving a mission, even though I had received my call. He cautioned us about discerning between emotions and communication from the spirit so that we would be able to more clearly receive the answers we were seeking for. We talked about the need for righteous families to be reared.

As we talked, I felt my fears being calmed. I felt at peace. I felt that Joel was the one that I was to marry. And, I felt like serving a mission was not what I was supposed to do right now.

Later that night, Joel proposed and I, with no doubts or reservations, said yes!

The Happy Couple

There are opportunities that I will not have because I chose not to serve a mission right now. But there are many more opportunities that have opened up because I have chosen to be married in the temple, to a wonderful man, and to raise a family with him in the gospel.

I still plan on serving a mission, hopefully several, but now with my eternal companion.

This was my journey, this was my story, this is my life. How grateful I am for the gospel, and for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for each of us.

Have you had to make a similar decision? How did you come to decide? I would love to hear your stories and how you made, or would make, the decision between serving a mission or marrying.

A Fitting End…Ode to a Mother

The sun is setting, and as the day ends around the world, so does Mother’s Day. Many of us are basking in the warmth of that Mother’s Day phone/skype call.

Today, in one of the LDS Missionary Email Groups, Bill – a lone male voice within a group of chattering mothers – laid homage to the role of a mother. So, I thought that his insights might be a fitting end to the day.

Thanks Bill for sharing these quotes and scriptures:

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Appreciation for the Mothers from the Mere Male‏

Just want to leave you all with five quotes and a scripture or two.

1. The first is from a fellow by the name of Monte J. Brough (from the First Quorum of the Seventy), who made these remarks at October Conference,1988.

He said:

“A few years ago while I was presiding over the mission in Minneapolis, Minnesota, an interesting event took place….A rather severe tornado hit  the area. It was severe enough that it came to the attention of the nightly news broadcast over the national networks to California, Arizona, Utah, and Idaho. Before long, the telephone started ringing in our office there at the mission home. This went on for two or three hours, with parents calling from many areas wondering about their Johnny or Richard”.

Elder Brough continues: “I recall later walking across the parking lot from the mission office to the mission home saying to myself, “You know these Mormon mothers. They just won’t undo the apron strings. They just won’t let their boys go.” As I walked into the mission home, the phone again was ringing. I picked up the phone and guess who? My mother! She was wondering how her missionary was doing under these circumstances.”

He concludes: “I learned a great and deep lesson. A mother’s love and concern never ceases – nor should it.”

2. This one is from Brigham Young, who said:

“Mothers are the moving instruments in the hands of Providence to guide the destinies of nations.”

3. According to David O. McKay (1969), motherhood:

“Is the greatest potential influence for either good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind.

It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world.”

4. It was Ezra Taft Benson (quoted by Joanne Doxey, 1987) who said:

[Mothers in Zion,] we pray for you. We sustain you. We honor you as you bear, nourish, train, teach, and love for eternity. I promise you the blessings of heaven and “all that the Father hath” (see D & C 84: 38) as you magnify the noblest calling of all.”

5. Lastly, James E. Faust (1988) said this one:

“I do not believe that God’s purposes on earth will ever be achieved without the influence, strength, love, support, and special gifts of the elect women of God. They are entitled to our deepest veneration, our fullest appreciation, and our most profound respect. I belive angels attend them in their motherly minsistry.”

6. Let me leave you each with a scripture from Moroni 8: 3, that goes this way:

“I am mindful of you always in my prayers, continually praying unto God the Father in the name of his Holy Child, Jesus, that he, through his infinite goodness and grace, will keep you through the endurance of faith on his name to the end.”

Guest Post – From the world’s best trainer…

Ask any returned missionary, and just about all of them will claim that the most influential person on their mission was their trainer. I fall within that claim. Today I am introducing to you the person who taught me everything about being the best missionary I could ever be. The effects of her teaching have reached far beyond that very short 18 month period of my life.

Tonja and I met up recently, for the first time since our missions, at The Australia Perth Mission 27 year reunion – under President Daniel H. Ludlow 1981-83. We immediately slipped back onto familiar ground and have remained in contact ever since.

Tonja shares here her formula for being the world’s best trainer. The list of those she trained on her mission will attest to her authority on this subject. The advice given here is timeless.

Mum’s! If you feel at times that you wish you could help your missionary, this may be just one of the ways you can. Read up, and maybe there is something in this post that you can share with your missionary when he/she becomes a trainer for the first time.

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Training a New Missionary
By Tonja Swoboda Davis

New missionaries can either be a blessing to a ‘trainer’ or a curse!  Personally, I think I was a curse.  I was so excited to be in the mission field and conquer the world. (Well, in this case, Western Australia, which is almost the size of the world)  My trainer was nearing the end of her mission and didn’t quite understand my determination to spread the gospel to everyone!

Our personalities were also very different.  As senior companion, she was the decision maker.  However, I have not always been good at following.  I often rush forward, no hesitation. When my companion hesitated, I moved forward, often with her running to catch up with me…the junior companion.

Well, I survived and so did she.

A few months later when I became senior companion and training a brand new missionary, I was eager to help my new companion be the best she could be.  My mission president advised me to share with my companion everything I knew so she would be better and stronger to share the gospel with others. I tried very hard to do that with Sister Maine (my first trainee), and with Sisters Day, Rasmussen, Norell, and Marchant (those that followed).

Later while observing them, I noticed that they approached doors and people the same way I did and even used similar phrases and hand gestures as I did.

Above anything else, I wanted them to have confidence in themselves and know they had the knowledge, experience and the Holy Ghost to guide them.  Their message was so important that a loving Heavenly Father would not leave them alone – but give them companions that would love them and guide them.

Having a son currently serving a full time mission, I am reminded of how important companions are to successful missions.  They will have challenges each day, but they don’t need those challenges to come from a companion!  Even though one would think a missionary would be easy to get along with, that isn’t always the case.  What can one do?

Characteristics of a good trainer:

• A Christ-like attitude.
• Recognise you are being watched, act accordingly.
• Avoid negativity, always!
• Look for the GOOD, and it WILL be found!
• Unexpected acts of service makes all the difference; making their bed while they are in the shower, fixing them breakfast, shining shoes, ironing shirts, leaving encouraging notes.
• Genuinely complimenting a companion in front of others.
• Praying for them.
• Teach a missionary all you know and allow them to take the lead.
• Ask for opinions and incorporate it into daily planning.
• Organising ‘exchanges’; allows them the opportunity to be the ‘lead’ missionary and gain experience.
• Write a letter home to the companion’s family telling them of positive experiences while serving together.
• See a companion as God sees them and have an appreciation for them and His service.

Some scriptures that may be of help to a new trainer:

Hebrews 13: 1-2, 6-9, 13-14, 16-18, 21, 24-25

1 Timothy 4: 12-16

Missionaries are about a GREAT WORK and will bring to pass much good.  Know that long after they have returned from their mission, those that follow (literally) will continue THEIR work as well as their own.

Missionaries have been called of God to lead. Lead they will. By learning all they can, giving all they can, and being the best they can, their efforts will be warmly received and they will be blessed.

Tonja Swoboda Davis 
Served in the Australia Perth Mission from 1980-81. 

Background on Tonja:  At 17 I wanted to do something different so I went off to Brigham Young University in Provo, not knowing a single person. I soon was introduced to the full time missionaries who taught me the gospel and I was baptized a short time later. My life was changed forever.  My husband served a mission to Hawaii and our son is currently serving a Spanish speaking mission in St. George Utah.

A highlight of my life was having an article published in the October 2009 Ensign  ‘Freely Given, Gratefully Received’.  The whole process was inspiring.  I love to write, love reading and have been an elementary school librarian for several years.

Tracy and Tonja at the 27 year mission reunion (2009) for The Australia Perth Mission (APM).